Letter To My Guy

Dear Guy,

Where are you? I've been looking forever for you. I thought I met you back in 2014, but that was a disaster and I could barely pick myself up back from the aftermath. I thought I met you again in 2017, just this past summer, but I was wrong again.

I have been trying to live my life as close to my ideal as possible so that when I meet you I won't be totally crushed, but every day gets harder and harder. I don't want to live my life by myself. I got through my entire childhood thinking one day I could be with a person and we would like each other enough so that we could live together and be good to each other and not hurt each other every day, but every guy I met so far has been wrong (which is as it should be, if I haven't found you yet, but is incredibly exhausting, and I am tired).

I just want to like you and support you and think you are awesome and have your being match with mine and have you like me and support me and think I am awesome too. It's not that complicated. I tried to stay in one place to see if that would help us find each other faster, but all that happened was I got fat and depressed. And then I moved to a new place for ten weeks and I found somebody that maybe was you, but who knows, I had to leave before I could find out.

I had a lot of things I wanted to do with you but I think I am too old now to do half of them. I mean, I will totally try with you if you like, but some things are just no longer physically possible for me. I wanted to meet you earlier because every day that you are not here is one less day that I am able to do something. And there are definitely things I can do by myself, but there are certain life events that I can't do by myself, and that's why I really, really want to find you soon, because life is short and before you know it we will both be too old to do the things we were meant to do together.

I'm tired. I have been looking for a very long time.

Chronicles of a 2L August 29, 2016

Weighed myself. 131 pounds. 

Had natto and peach with oatmeal for breakfast, and chicken tikka masala with aloo gobi muttar on rice for dinner. 

Printed all my necessary paperwork out. Will start working on it tomorrow. 

Rediscovered Alan Watts and feel that it might be good to read his work tonight. 

Have been sleeping without a pillow for the last three nights. Not sure if it is actually helping with spine problems. 

Chronicles of a 2L August 21, 2016

Felt really sad last night.
Need to work on legal analysis. Also job applications. And pro-bono forms.
Fell asleep yesterday in New Jersey.
Need to get insurance waived.
Bought natto.
Going to go make a list.

Chronicles of a 2L August 20, 2016

Still in the midst of interviewing for jobs. Would like the process to end and be done with it. 

Had a friend stay overnight. Thought about person D. Felt sad. 

Have recently been watching a lot of Would I Lie to You and 8 out of 10 Cats (the early seasons). 

I just want to find my person and run away. This life thing is really exhausting. 

In other news: 

Back to my sort-of old weight. Still a ways off. 

Overspent on restaurant food again. Will be eating lean for the next few weeks. 

Haven't been sleeping well. Possibly because it's too hot. Possibly because I've decided I really like bigger beds and the one I currently have is a long twin bed. 

中文版：

想学法语。应该有用。 

这个周目要完成香港事情，把钱找回来，legal analysis写完。

L。。。如果可以当朋友，会比较好。 我真的原来想当朋友。 

Healthy Living August 7-

Hi All,

Am starting a new Healthy Living post for the first time in a few months. Was on internship abroad and gained so much weight that I had to buy new suits to accommodate my new size =/.

So now back to being healthy =). But with some extra stuff on skincare. Because...I made a deal with myself that I would try to do it all. Here goes.

August 7, 2016. Sunday.
Nutrition:
Breakfast. 10AM. Ethiopian leftovers. Two glasses water. Two multivitamins.
Lunch. 12 Noon. Rye and sauerkraut bread.
Snack. 3PM. Pulled pork sandwich with cranberry limeade. Two bottles water.
Dinner. 930PM. Oatmeal with honey and coconut oil. Almond milk. Two glasses water.
Skincare:
12 Noon. Sunblock.
9 PM. CoQ10 with rosehip seed oil to remove sunblock. Pomegranate cleansing foam. Green tea shower gel. Sweet orange olive oil body lotion to moisturize.
Exercise:
12 Noon. Walked through botanic garden with a friend.
8 PM. Walked one mile from TJ Maxx to apartment.
Dental care:
11AM. Brushed teeth with glister toothpaste.
10PM. Flossed. Brushed teeth with glister toothpaste.

~~
August 15, 2016
Um...oops, I guess I wasn't good about recording.
Today was okay. It's a Monday.
8AM: Woke
10AM: Two cups almond milk
1030AM: practice interview
11AM: three mini-pastries
1130AM: brushed teeth
12Noon: slice of cheesecake
1PM: tour around campus
3PM: small eggplant wrap
5PM: two plums, two vitamins, one cup water
7PM: pasta with broccoli and string beans
10PM: brushed teeth
1AM: fell asleep

~~
*sigh. so hard....
August 18, 2016
9AM: Woke
11AM: laundry, glass of water, brushed teeth
12Noon: fried rice with frozen veggies, two glasses apple cider
5:30PM: one glass water, one glass apple cider, two multivitamins, 4 slices processed turkey, one tortilla,  half an avocado
~~
August 29, 2016
Moving this to Excel. Maybe it will work better.

Diet and Living April 16-

April 16, 2016
9AM: Wake
11AM: Eat Chicken Kebab, Thai Iced Tea, Walk with Friend
12 Noon: Weigh self. 123.5 lbs
2PM: Ate a yogurt
6PM: had udon with bok choy
7PM: cleaned my room
8PM: finished outline, some random e-mails
10PM: showered
11PM: laundry
130AM: Sleep

April 17, 2016
830AM: Wake
11AM: Yogurt
3PM: Laundry, Ate Pasta
6PM: Fried fish sandwich, worked on U-visa documents
7PM: Stressed out
10PM: Started studying
3AM: Sleep

April 18, 2016
8AM: Wake
1030AM: Three oranges
12Noon: Pad Thai
1PM: brownie
7PM: Chicken Gyro
11PM: Quarter tub Ben and Jerry's

April 19, 2016
Breakfast: Hot Chocolate Oatmeal
Lunch:
Dinner:
Sleep: 2AM

April 20, 2016
8AM: Wake
9AM: two croissants
12Noon: chicken, salad, a little bit of cake

Proper Living, March 25-

Friday, March 25
Wake: 9AM
Breakfast: one nectarine
Networking: 11-2
Lunch: chicken, asparagus, pumpkin, fruit, cookie
Dinner: miso with spinach and egg, congyoubing
Sitting in the park: 5-8
Sleep: 12Midnight

Saturday, March 26
Wake: 9AM
Breakfast: nothing
Sitting in the park: 12-1
Lunch: french toast with cinnamon apple and strawberry, orange juice
Meditating: 3-6
Dinner: white bread with dried pollack
Sleep: 12Midnight

Sunday, March 27
Wake: 7:30AM
Journaling: 8-9:30
Breakfast: half a chocolate Levain cookie
Lunch: a bite of Senegalese rice with fish
Park: 2-3
Dinner: same rice with fish
Sleep: 4AM (was crying for two hours)

Monday, March 28
Wake: 7:30AM
12Noon: half a bagel, half a salami sandwich, salad
6:15PM: slice of cheesecake with milk
8PM: Senegalese rice with fish, half a french toast with cinnamon apple and strawberry
Weight: 125 lbs
Sleep; 9PM

Tuesday, March 29
Wake: 3AM
Wake: 7:30AM
11AM: small piece of muffin
12Noon: half a sandwich
2PM: other half of sandwich

~~~~~
April 4
Beef Chili with bread and two eggs

April 5
Breakfast: two slices of bread
Dinner: cream of mushroom soup

April 6
Breakfast: two slices of bread
Lunch: vegetarian cheese lasagna
Dinner: spinach cheese pasta
Sleep: 3AM (oops?)

April 7
Wake: 9AM
Breakfast; spinach cheese pasta
Lunch: egg with corn, chili, and beans