Letter To My Guy

Dear Guy,

Where are you? I've been looking forever for you. I thought I met you back in 2014, but that was a disaster and I could barely pick myself up back from the aftermath. I thought I met you again in 2017, just this past summer, but I was wrong again.

I have been trying to live my life as close to my ideal as possible so that when I meet you I won't be totally crushed, but every day gets harder and harder. I don't want to live my life by myself. I got through my entire childhood thinking one day I could be with a person and we would like each other enough so that we could live together and be good to each other and not hurt each other every day, but every guy I met so far has been wrong (which is as it should be, if I haven't found you yet, but is incredibly exhausting, and I am tired).

I just want to like you and support you and think you are awesome and have your being match with mine and have you like me and support me and think I am awesome too. It's not that complicated. I tried to stay in one place to see if that would help us find each other faster, but all that happened was I got fat and depressed. And then I moved to a new place for ten weeks and I found somebody that maybe was you, but who knows, I had to leave before I could find out.

I had a lot of things I wanted to do with you but I think I am too old now to do half of them. I mean, I will totally try with you if you like, but some things are just no longer physically possible for me. I wanted to meet you earlier because every day that you are not here is one less day that I am able to do something. And there are definitely things I can do by myself, but there are certain life events that I can't do by myself, and that's why I really, really want to find you soon, because life is short and before you know it we will both be too old to do the things we were meant to do together.

I'm tired. I have been looking for a very long time.